Useful links and advice

The bravest man I know, an ex-soldier, advised me that if I didn’t get counselling, what had happened would poison me. He was right.

So this is written for anybody out there who has been through an attack. Bear in mind, my advice is limited to UK practice, because that’s all I know.

I’m going to say something unpopular right now; the Metropolitan Police were superb. They were respectful, professional and very caring – and of course, in the end, they got the perpetrator! They were the first to point me at decent counselling options.

I list the following two links because I have used the services and can personally vouch for them.  Irrespective of gender, religion, ethnic background, age, or sexual orientation, they offer excellent confidential help, and they are free.

Victim Support: http://www.victimsupport.org/

Seriously extraordinary counselling, Victim Support is there for anybody who has been the victim of a crime. They have a direct helpline, but you can also make appointments for local one-to-ones. The police strongly recommended these guys, and I avoided them for ages because it seemed like such a hassle. Talk about an idiot! Best counselling I have ever had!

The Havens: http://www.thehavens.co.uk/

You do not need to be the victim of a crime specifically to go to the Havens, though they can help with some really difficult issues, from talking to the police anonymously to testing for STDs and gathering forensic evidence.  Again, they offer respectful and gentle counselling. They are not about pursuing a case. They are all about you, what you want and need. 

The Havens are based in London, and are one of the support organisations listed at  http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/centres.php. This link can help you find help wherever you live in the UK. Don’t let the name put you off, they offer help dealing with all kinds of sexual violence/abuse, and their services extend to men as well as women and children.

If you want specifically male-orientated guidance, both the Havens and Victim Support offer it, but Survivors UK has an excellent reputation too: http://www.survivorsuk.org/

Then there's the other side of the wall, where help can be needed most and given least:

http://www.prisonersfamilies.org.uk/

http://www.prisonersadvice.org.uk/

With regard to my case, the police did everything they could to make the situation easier. There are new ways of delivering evidence that lessen the trauma of it.

Video statements can make up the body of your evidence, so you may not have to spend time in court, or keep retelling what happened. These video statements are not played to the suspect; they aren’t going to see you or hear you speak.. Video line-ups can also be used for ID parades.

If you are called to testify in court, arrangements can be made, screens can be used, so that you will not see the defendant and they will not see you.

It is never easy, but attitudes towards sexual assault are changing. For more info on how the Metropolitan Police of London are currently approaching the issues of sex crime, check out this link: 

 http://www.met.police.uk/sapphire/  

Again, heartfelt thanks to Detective Kevin J Seed, Officers Sam Bird and Ben "Briefcase" Smith,  Liz, Matt and all those at Lewisham Police Station who worked so hard to bring this case to conclusion and gave me so much help.

 It's taken a lot of people a long time to get this far. Much more needs to be done. If you don’t have facilities to these services where you live, campaign to get them. They should be your right.

Here’s to respect for all of us.